College Essay # 233

233. Ten simple rules for dating me.

There used to be this guy she knew. He wrote her songs, he gave her letters, and he followed her from place to place. Her friends would tease her and laugh at her misery. She wasn’t interested, she never was. She never had crushed of such sort and she never cared for things like boys. She was always independent and she worried about her studies and about her career more than anything in the world. When she parents asked her if she wanted to get married after grade 10, she refused and said it wasn’t the life she was looking for. She wanted to stand on her own feet and earn her own money; she wasn’t going to settle for marrying a guy from a well-reputed family; that just wasn’t her thing. One day, her lover approached her and gave her a card. She had refused many times but he just wouldn’t listen. She didn’t know whether he was stupid or whether he was madly in love with her, but she refused to accept the gift anyways. She didn’t want to lead him on. She had never accepted any of the gifts and she wasn’t going to start with that today. She told him no, but he just left the card on the ground next to her. She was furious. Didn’t he get the picture? Her anger took over her and she approached the lover with his friends. She took the card and asked him what that was, he smiled, and she glared. She held the card tight in her hands and tore it into pieces and threw it in his face and walked off. Everyone’s eyes followed her the whole way back to her group of friends.

When my mother told me this story about her college experience with boys, I laughed really loud. It was funny. I knew my mother not to be the type to go around with boys, but I never knew she had the guts to shoot him down like that. She explained that she had warned him a hundred times but he wasn’t listening. I asked her why she had always been like that. She told me that she never thought anyone was that worthy. Though it may sound cocky she just never thought that she’d have a companion, which she would appreciate. That got me thinking. Who would be someone that I was compatible with? What were his traits? 

Well, here are some clues.

1.     He has to be confidant, but not over confidant. He should be able to support and stand up for himself but he shouldn’t flaunt his accomplishments and achievements. No one wants to be with someone who loves himself more than the other person.

2.     He should have nice eyes. I would prefer hazel or light brown. You can tell how passionate someone is about a cause, about a person, or about anything for that matter by the way his eyes are set.

3.     He should be friends with my friends. I’ve chosen my friends because they are the types of people that I like spending time with. If he likes to spend time with me, then he should be able to spend time with me when my friends are around as well.

4.     He should be able to tell me the truth about me. Just because he’s in a relationship with me doesn’t mean that he needs to like everything about me. There are certain things a person doesn’t like in an individual. He should be able to tell me the things he doesn’t like about me.

5.     But he should be able to understand that I won’t change everything about myself just because he doesn’t appreciate those qualities. At the end of the day, I am the one who gets to decide which qualities I like and don’t like about myself.

6.     He should be considerate about my feelings. He should understand that there are going to be time that I wont’ want to talk to him and there are going to be times that I want to be alone. He should be able to respect that and give me my space. I will eventually come and talk to you myself.

7.     He should understand that I’m not a kid and that I can take care of myself. I don’t need him to be doing everything for me. My parents are there for that. He needs to just care about me, but not TAKE care of me. When I’ll need him to take care of me, I’ll ask him myself. My independence is the most important thing than anything else.

8.      He should be able to be open with me. He should be able to share his feelings with him and tell me what’s going on in his life. If there are things that are too personal, I won’t expect him to tell me. You should be able to trust me with things. I am here for you to be able to share things with me as well.

9.     He should understand that before anything I am his friend.

10.   He should love me with all his heart. He should think of think of special things to do for me (though it sounds a bit demanding). But these things don’t have to be extravagant. Leaving a note in my locker will be good enough for me. He should try to show me that he loves me, because I would do the same.