226. When you had a desire to run.
Being a junior is a lot of pressure. The school work, the extra-curriculars, and the nervousness of applying for colleges. Going to a few college fairs around India with the school I've gotten a feeling of what type of school I want to go to, where I want to go, and what I want to do. The what I want to do has been the same since when I was a littler girl, but the type of school and the where has changed. I have thought about me as a person and have discussed it with my parents and they have agreed with me. The only thing left is, the getting in part. Which, many say isn't difficult, but that was them, and this is me. So I don't know what to expect. For the last 3 years, my parents and I have been discussing different options and I've tried to keep every possibility open. But this is up to my parents and I. Living with my grandparents, I never felt like I had to share anything with them about my choices to colleges and what not. And anyways, we had a generation gap, and I didn't feel like they would understand my choices anyways. I was sure they would enforce theirs, and was I right in the end? Of course I was.
A couple of weeks ago, my grandfather came up to me while I was sitting with my parents talking about colleges and started giving me a lecture. He would go on and on about whether I wanted to become and doctor, whether I wanted to study where I did, whether I was making the right decisions, this, that, and the other. I sat there with my head down, and didn't say one word. With other arguments like this already happening in the past, I learned to keep my mouth shut. But he kept going and going and going on and on and on about this. I already had my mind made up with my preferences, I wasn't going to listen to anyone, so he was just wasting his time.
My anger was boiling up with each word he was saying, and I was just about to explode. My mind was racing with two options. Either walk away and run from the situation at hand, or stay put and prove my point. I had the desire to just walk away from everything and I knew I should have taken that. But being stubborn like me, I wanted to prove my point, and I wouldn't leave until I had done so. So, instead of walking away from the situation, I decided to stay and fight. And I did. I was rude and arrogant, and not very nice. I know that he meant well, but the aggressiveness in his voice was not needed. That got to me and I was frustrated. I didn't stop, and I didn't care if anyone felt bad. It was my life and I didn't need anyone to say anything.
Thinking about it now, I should have taken that desire and put it into action. I do feel guilty but it can't be taken back.
Being a junior is a lot of pressure. The school work, the extra-curriculars, and the nervousness of applying for colleges. Going to a few college fairs around India with the school I've gotten a feeling of what type of school I want to go to, where I want to go, and what I want to do. The what I want to do has been the same since when I was a littler girl, but the type of school and the where has changed. I have thought about me as a person and have discussed it with my parents and they have agreed with me. The only thing left is, the getting in part. Which, many say isn't difficult, but that was them, and this is me. So I don't know what to expect. For the last 3 years, my parents and I have been discussing different options and I've tried to keep every possibility open. But this is up to my parents and I. Living with my grandparents, I never felt like I had to share anything with them about my choices to colleges and what not. And anyways, we had a generation gap, and I didn't feel like they would understand my choices anyways. I was sure they would enforce theirs, and was I right in the end? Of course I was.
A couple of weeks ago, my grandfather came up to me while I was sitting with my parents talking about colleges and started giving me a lecture. He would go on and on about whether I wanted to become and doctor, whether I wanted to study where I did, whether I was making the right decisions, this, that, and the other. I sat there with my head down, and didn't say one word. With other arguments like this already happening in the past, I learned to keep my mouth shut. But he kept going and going and going on and on and on about this. I already had my mind made up with my preferences, I wasn't going to listen to anyone, so he was just wasting his time.
My anger was boiling up with each word he was saying, and I was just about to explode. My mind was racing with two options. Either walk away and run from the situation at hand, or stay put and prove my point. I had the desire to just walk away from everything and I knew I should have taken that. But being stubborn like me, I wanted to prove my point, and I wouldn't leave until I had done so. So, instead of walking away from the situation, I decided to stay and fight. And I did. I was rude and arrogant, and not very nice. I know that he meant well, but the aggressiveness in his voice was not needed. That got to me and I was frustrated. I didn't stop, and I didn't care if anyone felt bad. It was my life and I didn't need anyone to say anything.
Thinking about it now, I should have taken that desire and put it into action. I do feel guilty but it can't be taken back.
No comments:
Post a Comment